Ruining My Game
by l0stinl0ve
Summary: Tony isn't really trying to get in the way of his daughter's relationship. It just keeps happening.


_Written for avengerkink meme for the prompt: Clint/Darcy, Tony is Darcy's dad. _  
_First time I've written from Tony's POV and it was really scary, but loads of fun. I hope I did it justice._

* * *

**1.**

It's only been a few days since the Battle of New York (as the media has dubbed the recent Alien Invasion) and Thor and Loki have just left Earth.

Tony is sort of excited. One, he's alive and healthy. Two, Pepper is alive and healthy. Three, he somehow managed (and come on, as if there was any doubt he wouldn't have managed it) to convince Bruce to stay around and be his science bro. Four, he managed to snag Dr. Foster as a Stark Industries employee and head hunted Dr. Selvig away from SHIELD (stealing from SHIELD is always a win) meaning more science bros (but Bruce will always be his SBFF). Five, his daughter was going to be meeting him at the tower.

He'll admit that all five reasons are the reason for his excitement, but really, it's the last one that has him bouncing in his seat. (It's been awhile. Like maybe a year since they were in the same state.)

After watching Thor take his brother and the Tesseract back to Asgard, everyone finds their own way back to the tower. Tony and Bruce get into his sleek Acura (his 'east coast car, you snob', as his daughter likes to call it) and somehow manage to not get stuck in traffic (only plus side to the debris all over midtown, he guesses).

They are still beaten to the tower by the others, and not surprisingly, his daughter is already there. Surprisingly, though, she's in a heavy embrace with Clint Barton, and Tony isn't sure how he is supposed to feel about this.

Firstly, no one is really aware of his relationship with her. Pepper knows because Pepper knows everything and Rhodey knows because he's her godfather (how Rhodey finagled that, Tony can only guess it was one of the times they were both very, very drunk). Happy is aware that Darcy is very special, and probably assumes that she's related (they do look alike, you know) but has never mentioned anything in an official capacity (Happy liked to pretend he was professional).

Watching one's daughter's face be devoured by a teammate is really weird. Granted, watching his daughter kiss anyone would be weird. But seriously, the man is on his team, isn't there a rule against this or something? Like, Tony doesn't think he'd ever hook up with a friend's kid (totally doesn't matter that until the Avengers Initiative became a real thing he really only had three people he could call friend, and none of them have daughters). But no one knows she's his daughter, and they had discussed keeping it on the down-low, less everyone think less of her, and more of him (he couldn't have that, expectations suck).

So he watches, trying to conceal the disgust on his face, while Barton starts introducing her to everyone. (Isn't that supposed to be his job?)

"Tash, this is Darcy Lewis." (And of course he introduces her to Natasha first.)

"And of course you introduce this fine young lady to Natasha first." Tony doesn't need to be looking at Darcy to know that she's rolling her eyes. "What about the rest of your team?"

"Oh yes," Barton huffs, "this is Tony. I'm sure you've heard of him. With him is Dr. Bruce Banner. And the guy getting off the bike is Steve Rogers."

"As in Captain America, Steve Rogers?" Darcy asks in awe.

"Yes ma'am, but just Steve is fine." He sticks out his hand to give her a firm handshake. (And of course she's starstruck by Captain America, and her cheeks are all rosey like she's meeting Justin Timberlake for her thirteenth birthday. Didn't he raise her better than that?)

"Oh my Thor, you're real. You're actually real. I didn't believe my granddad, but you're really here. In the flesh," she gushes. (And the disgust on Barton's face makes Tony feel much, much better about life. Well, about his daughter's relationship with the archer.)

"Is saying 'Oh my Thor' a thing? Like, seriously, who says that?" Tony asks, trying to end the stares happening between his daughter and the captain. Seriously, not cool. Tony isn't sure how he should feel about this. If he has to choose between Barton and Steve, he doesn't know who he would prefer with his daughter (neither). Barton is a little over ten years older than her, and Steve is like eighty. (Does the seventy years on, under, whatever, the ice count?)

"She's been saying it since New Mexico. I think she's managed to convince a few junior agents who have the proper clearance to use it, too." Barton responds, sending Tony a look that Tony isn't sure if he should interpret as gratitude or not. (Maybe he's also happy about the end of the eye-fucking (can Captain America eye-fuck?) that was happening between his girlfriend (Tony's daughter!) and Steve.)

"Yeah, and who knows. After all this, it may become mainstream." She smirks, crossing her arms across her chest.

"How do you know about Thor?" Bruce asks. And such a great question, totally keeping everyone eyes (and hands) from doing anything inappropriate. Normally, Tony wouldn't stand for that (he'd be all up in behaving inappropriately), but it's his daughter, so come on.

"Oh, umm." She looks at her boyfriendt, silently asking him something. (Tony doesn't know if he likes _that_ or not (And is that the game of the day? Figure out what he likes and doesn't like?), but at least it isn't eye fucking. Or involving lips on lips. Or tongues. Definitely no tongues.) Apparently, he gives her the okay or something because she continues. "Well, I was there the first time he came here. Oh! Did he see Jane?" She spins around to glare at Barton, who shrugs.

Right, he wasn't there for that part. He was busy being Loki's minion. And great, Tony just happened to forget about that. Is that really a good quality for his daughter's boyfriend? Like, Tony doesn't want to judge, but he's sure that has to do something to someone's psyche. What would that do to their relationship? What would that do to Darcy?

"Umm, no, he never got the chance," Steve replies, running a hand through his hair. (Oh, Tony was busy being distracted by the thought of his daughter having a boyfriend with real life adult problems. When did she have real life adult problems? _I've legally been an adult for eight years dad_, he can hear telling him over the phone just the month before.)

"What?" She shrieks, glaring at everyone, ending on him. Tony can _feel_ the blame being directed at him. And what, it's not like he knew (he totally did) and could do something about it (he might have been able to?).

"She was sent to a different facility for protection. Didn't want her to get captured like Dr. Selvig." Tony shrugs. Everyone else is looking at him like he's crazy for sharing that little tidbit, especially Barton. (What? He can't lie to his daughter. Like, he has never actually lied to her before (omission of the truth doesn't count, they both agreed on that when she turned fifteen, it's in a notarized contract and everything), and he's not going to start now. So what if the team doesn't know that.)

"Erik was captured?"

"Umm," Tony stammers. He isn't sure if he would be the best person to talk about this. He knows Darcy was friends with the man, and he knows she is particularly close with Jane, but all of this involves feelings, and their quota is like, one feeling a day. And Tony's pretty sure they met that already. (Where's Pepper when he really needs her?)

"Maybe we should move this discussion upstairs?" Steve, ever the pragmatic, suggests.

Everyone nods, follows the silent Natasha to the elevators, while Darcy glances back and forth between him and the expert marksman, holding her hand. (Maybe her having a boyfriend whose a part of the team won't be so bad. Barton can be the one to catch her up? Deal with the feelings, and all that.)

No, that's messed up, even for Tony Stark. Seriously, where is Pepper?

They step out of the elevator into the barely renovated penthouse. Barely, as it's not up to scratch, but no one else notices, and considers it brand new, as if the Hulk hadn't used Loki as a hammer to the floor.

"Drink, anyone?" Tony asks, just to relieve some of the tension in the room.

"Fuck. Yes," Darcy huffs, walking past him towards the bar. He glares at her, because that's what he'd do to anyone snooping in his bar, but especially at her, because she's his daughter and he only really drank with her that one time, when she was twenty-one and they had went to town in Vegas.

"Darce," Barton sighs, following her, pulling the expensive bottle of scotch out of her hands and putting it back. (Thank you? Is Tony allowed to thank his daughter's boyfriend? He feels like that's against some Dad Code or something.)

"Okay, actually, why don't we let the two lovebirds - Ha! Hawkeye. Love _Birds_. - catch up." He smirks in their direction, uncertainty in his eye as he watches the look passing between the pair. It's not a look a father ever really wants to see on his daughter's face. There's worry. There's fear. But underlying it all, there is love. He hadn't seen that look on her face since she found out he was dying of palladium poisoning. (It wasn't lying as he was never once was directly asked if he was dying. He just never specifically told anyone that he was.)

And seriously, should his daughter be feeling like that for someone?

Most everyone has already left the room, back into the elevator to find their quarters. He glares at Barton, smiles at Darcy, calling out before leaving, "Don't do anything I would do!"

And hopefully the serious feels going on will keep them from continuing what they were doing when everyone first got to the tower.

**2.**

Whoever's idea it was to have Darcy be his lab assistant really has to rethink their choices. Like, honestly, to think that this was a good idea was preposterous. They bicker quite a bit, but he always caves. She has that doe-eyed look that he remembers watching her practice after watching _every_ Disney princess movie growing up (and whose idea was that?) and that makes it impossible for him to say no to the brat.

And yeah, okay, maybe the idea was his, but he hadn't really gotten to hang out with his daughter in a long time. Ever since she moved into the tower (and he knows Barton secretly wonders why she has the best guest suite in the building), the most time he's spent with her outside of work is dinner with everyone.

He just wants some alone time. Alone time that isn't while he's working.

"It has been twelve hours. That is four hours longer than I should have let you stay in here. Time to leave the workshop." She pulls him away from suit, DUMMY following her closely with holding the extinguisher at trigger, as if the robot is just waiting on her word to fire. (He probably is. Tony always forgets that all his robots (and even JARVIS, that traitor) love his daughter more than him.

_They're like my brothers, and I'm their baby sister, so of course they want to protect me and all that. And I'm Stark enough to not question it and to take advantage._

Seriously, where did he go wrong with her? Honestly, the first few years of his life, she had Howard and Maria. Rhodey was always there to provide that 'good influence' that Tony lacked. When Pepper became his PA (and lasted), Darcy had become such a model daughter.

"Genes," she answers his unspoken question. "You see, I take after my dad. He's this stubborn man who doesn't give up until he succeeds. So yeah, I'm not going to give up until you get out of this workshop. Go shower and go to bed. Pepper comes back tomorrow, you'll need to be awake and energized - and seriously, eww, don't want to know the details there - for her arrival." She pokes his shoulder, over and _over again_. Every swat is countered, and it's starting to get annoying.

"Fine," he shouts, dropping his tools, glaring at her and all the robots in the room.

The crossing of her arms across his chest and the smug grin growing on her face does nothing to make him feel better.

"You're horrible," he sneers, abruptly standing and stomping out of the room.

"I get it honestly from my parents," she shouts. Tony barely hears her as he marches towards his shower.

And the water does soothe him, and the so fresh, so clean feeling rejuvenates him. He doesn't really want to go to sleep. He could probably power nap before Pepper gets home. Plus, he only needs to make a few minor changes to the suit's armor. It shouldn't take more than an hour. He'd be in and out of the workshop before Darcy notices a thing, and he'll still get plenty of rest, so she won't really be able to get angry at him.

With purpose, he prances - it's not really a prance when a Stark does it, but really, he's joyfully walking, whatever - back towards his workshop. It's not even midnight yet, and he feels like it's sacrilegious to be not working till at least two. But whatever, his daughter was threatening a robot uprising, and there was no way that he could let Skynet be his fault. None whatsoever. He would lose five hundred bucks to Rhodey if that happens. And he can just hear the argument that the his devil-child being in charge totally counts as his fault. Whatever.

Just as he's about to turn the corner nearest his workshop, he slows downs. He doesn't want to attract attention just in case she's still there. Back in the day, she would play with all his gadgets and build her own machines whenever she was allowed in the shop. It's been a while, but he remembers Julio, the epic coffee maker she designed, built, and stole away to college. Luckily JARVIS kept the schematics on the thing and Julio has since been a part of every workshop, kitchen, lab space Stark Industries ever had a hand in.

All thanks to his Darcy.

So there being a light on in the lab while he's gone makes sense. Maybe she just wanted some alone time to build something. Maybe she wanted to surprise him or something. He knew she talked to Pepper regularly. And yeah, a few nights ago, while drunk (because it would only happen that way) he complained to Pepper about not spending enough time with his daughter. He could only assume Pepper mentioned something to Darcy, and now his daughter is building some sort of something to make up for it all.

And he really should go back to bed, now knowing his workshop is in use, meaning he won't be able to make those upgrades.

But he's Tony Stark, and since when did he do what he should? He wanted to see his daughter at work (like he said, it's been a while) and maybe he can help her or something.

What he finds is definitely not his daughter working with tools.

One could argue that she is working _a_ tool, but Tony really doesn't want his mind to go there. It's his daughter, come on, no father wants to think of their daughter that way.

Karma, is what both Pepper and Rhodey call it. He had a daughter who was going to make him realize just how much of an ass he was and could be. And boy did Darcy pull that off.

"JARVIS," Tony whispers, trying to avoid attracting the attention of the couple making out at his desk. And seriously, doesn't she have her own desk she could do that at? Wait, no, he doesn't want her doing that at any desk. What the hell, Darcy. "Don't tell Pepper or Rhodey about this, okay?"

"Of course, sir," JARVIS whispers back, a smug tint to his voice. Tony knows that means that he's probably already informed the duo.

Did none of his creations like him?

"Darcy," he calls out, throwing a hand over his eyes as soon as he notices Barton's hand grabbing onto the hem of his daughter's shirt. "Barton. Care to enlighten me as to why you are being handsy with my assistant? _In my workshop, no less._"

Having his hands still over his eyes, he can't really tell what sort of look the expert marksman is giving him. But the defeated exhale is definitely his daughter. He'd know that sound anywhere.

(The first time he heard it was when she was five, and he said she wasn't allowed to use the blow torch. Again at eight, when Pepper told her no using the soldering iron unless an adult was present, and _no, Tony doesn't count_. At twelve, when she wasn't allowed to sleepover at Bobby's house because he was a boy and she her breasts had already started to grow, and didn't she know what boys were after? One thing, Darcy, and I should know. Don't be one of them. He doesn't even want to think about the number of times he heard it during her teenage years. The last time he heard it was when she complained about her iPod being stolen and he offered to create a StarkPlayer of some sort just for her. (She refused, of course.) He really didn't want to hear the exhale now, that was for sure. Well, at least it's the first time this year, making it, eighteen months since the last time? That sounds like a good record.)

"Mr. Stark, shouldn't you be in bed. As you were told to be less than an hour ago?" Darcy says in her most professional tone. She learned it from Pepper, and if it wasn't being directed at him, he would commend her having just the right amount of condescending and bossiness to it without taking away from sounding polite. It's a gift that no man can replicate. (At least in his experience, and oh how he has tried.)

"You said to leave the workshop and shower. Then bed. I took a detour between. _Then_ I happened to find _my assistant_ having a tryst with her boyfriend, who isn't cleared to be here at all, in my absence. So in all honesty, the detour was called for." He peeks through his fingers and finds the pair looking perfectly normal. Barton, the ever 'perfect spy-assassin-ninja' (Darcy's words), looks as stoic as ever, as if he wasn't just caught with his hands trying to unclothe his girlfriend is her boss's office. Darcy looks non-plussed, as if being caught by your father with your boyfriend's hand going up your shirt was an everyday occurrence.

For the record, it's totally not. Not once had he ever really walked into his daughter in flagrante.

A staring contest ensues between the two Starks (doesn't matter that the only other person in the room isn't aware that it's two Starks).

Mentally, Tony is amused by Barton losing the facade. He's eyeing his girlfriend like she's crazy, glancing back at him like Tony is the mental person in the room (he's not the one dating the crazy girl).

Almost five minutes later (A new record, again! Two new records in the same day, also a new record! He'll have to remind JARVIS to note the occasion when Barton isn't around), they both snap out of it. Barton's loud clearing of his throat the culprit.

"Ugh, whatever," Darcy hisses, grabbing her boyfriend by the hand and pulling him out of the room.  
Tony, exasperatedly, slides a hand down his face, turns about, and follows them down the hall. He reminds himself, what he doesn't see, he can pretend to not know. Barton is just walking Darcy to her room, and that's all. That's it, and he won't think about anything else happening between them. Tony will just march right back up to his room, drink down some scotch, and pass out. He'll complain to Pepper tomorrow.

**3.**

It was another one of those nights. He had woken up in a sweat and hardly able to breathe. Taking deep breathes, he immediately tries to find comfort but the empty bed only reflects the empty feeling inside his chest. Pepper was once again on the west coast, but Darcy was somewhere in the tower.

"JARVIS, where can I find my daughter?"

"She's in the Media Room, sir."

Good. Maybe he could convince her to watch one of those Disney princess movies. Reliving the old times should help. The _good_ old times.

Humming to _A Whole New World_, he wanders down towards the Media Room. He reminisces on taking a five year old Darcy to Morocco because she refused to eat any kind of Indian food (It's too spicy daddy followed by the biggest, brightest doe eyes possible in the real world), so going there to find Agraba wasn't going to work. Then they went home and had to completely redo her bathroom to include the blue tiles she made him buy in some random market.

Life was easier then. Sure, his own relationship with his father was strenuous at best, but the man adored his granddaughter, thus forcing the two men to get along for the sake of the little girl. When Howard Stark passed away, Tony cried more for the loss of Darcy's popop (and of course Howard let her call him any ridiculous name she wanted), than his own father. It wasn't really fair, but six years of a decent relationship didn't outweigh the twenty where he was never good enough.

And Obadiah. Recalling him just hurt. Tony was glad that certain decisions that everyone (and he really means everyone - Pepper and Rhodey mostly) had questioned. Ensuring Darcy's engineering capabilities were hush-hush and that she wouldn't actually inherit the company until she was thirty probably saved her life. Had that not been the case, Tony could see Obadiah treating his little girl like a slave or worse.

Sitting in that cave, eyes finally opened to the damage his company had reeked (and didn't Darcy say she didn't want to inherit a company that promoted war? And oh look, the sixteen year old rebel was actually right.), all he could think about was his daughter. Yensen had commented on the tunes he would hum while building the suit. Tony never really explained that the old Disney songs reminded him of what he was trying to get back to. Of his daughter.

Then dying. He finally had Pepper. (And didn't Darcy also say that was inevitable? Tony was noticing a pattern here.) He finally found the recognition he had craved from Howard. (_I told you that he loved you, dad. Seriously, when are you going to start listening to me?_) He rolled his eyes in remembrance.

Tony was a lucky bastard, and he knew that. He was thankful for that. He had two amazing women in his life. A team that felt like family. His SBFF was practically on call (and didn't Tony almost cave and tell Bruce about his apprehensions about the budding relationship between his daughter and their teammate, Hawkeye?).

And now he was plagued with nightmares. He was supposed to be happy. High on life, as his daughter always said. (_No dad, I won't do drugs, because I've seen what they do to you firsthand, and let me tell you, I don't ever want you or Pepper to find me like that. It's embarrassing. Aren't you embarrassed?_ Tony was pretty sure Rhodey had somehow got the fourteen year old Darcy to give him the don't-do-drugs speech.)

Now humming _Bonjour_ (Darcy asked to learn French because of the song, making Tony also fluent in the (_"Ugh, really do we have to learn that? Couldn't we try Spanish, or Chinese?" "No dad, I want to speak French. And it isn't Chinese, it's Mandarin." "How do you know that, you're barely even four." "I'm a smart four year old."_) language), he opened the door to the Media Room only to be shocked into place.

Seriously, was this what his life was like now? Like, he understood that he was quite the ladies' man (man-whore depending on who you asked) back in the day, but this was becoming ridiculous. Karma was going a little too far.

"Ah!" Darcy screamed, falling backwards off the couch, shirt barely concealing her lace bra, mostly wrapped around her neck. (He hadn't seen that much of his daughter's skin since she was in diapers, and really had hoped it would have stayed that way.)

"Seriously?" Tony practically shouted. Normally, he wouldn't be shouting at her, but tonight was a bad night. He was already pale, barely able to manage breathing. The sweat that had stopped from waking up had returned. All he could see was the black, feel the free-falling, imagining how Pepper and Darcy would live without-

"Jesus, Stark, do you always have to do that?" Barton shouted (it wasn't a shout, spy-assassin-ninjas didn't shout, but it might as well have been) as he rose from his seat, glaring in Tony's direction.

Tony didn't notice it though, he was trying to hold himself upright, resting his head against the door frame, hand wrapped tightly around the edge. (Deep breaths. You listen to Bruce enough, you should be able to replicate his calm. Or at least pretend to until you are actually calm. Deep breaths.)

"Hey," Darcy says softly, laying a hand on his cheek, finally snapping him out of it. "I'm here, I'm here." She moves her hand down to his shoulder and squeezes.

"Darce," Tony whispers, focusing on the light blue eyes that remind him of his mother's. It was the one thing that he was most glad that his daughter had inherited. Yeah, she also got his mother's figure, but that always attracted the men too much, so he couldn't be thankful for that. But looking into his daughter's eyes (just like his mother's, the person he went to when he had nightmares when he was small) brought him some peace.

"Tony, you alright?" Barton asked from over Darcy's shoulder. He was eyeing them both carefully, the confusion clear on his face. Tony really didn't want to explain. Not about his nightmares. Not about his daughter. He just needed some time to himself.

"Yeah, I'm good." He takes a deep breath, winking at Darcy. "I was just going to watch some old movies."

"Are they what I think you're thinking?" Darcy asks, giving him a smile that doesn't really reach her eyes. But he appreciates her trying. She squeezes his shoulder again in assurance. Tony knows that if he really wants to, she'll stay with him. And she'll understand it's not just him trying to keep Barton's filthy hands off her. (If there has to be a silver lining to the nightmares, at least there's that.)

"Yeah, there have been a few new ones in the past few years I haven't seen though. So I thought I might watch them first. Then work my way backwards or something."

Before Darcy can say anything, Barton is wrapping an arm around her waist. Darcy shuts her eyes, and Tony can see her mentally preparing herself for what she's about to say. He gives her the space and walks over to the couch, gingerly avoiding the spot that the pair were just fooling around on.

He's not trying to eavesdrop. He really isn't. (Okay, maybe he is, but he'll deny it to anyone who isn't Darcy (He doesn't directly lie to the girl. Ever.), and she already knows he's doing it. She must be okay with it, otherwise she would have left the room, or at least made it more difficult for him. She knows how hard it is for him to resist temptation. And what father can honestly say they can resist eavesdropping on a conversation between his daughter and boyfriend that is guaranteed to not include any mention of sex?)

"It's okay. I'm going to stay here and watch some movies with him, okay?"

"Darcy," Barton huffs, clearly unhappy with the interruption to their plans.

"Clint, you don't understand. He needs someone right now. And before you say it, Pepper isn't here. She won't be back for a few days at least." Tony can hear the eyeroll. (Something else Pepper probably taught her. Well, helped her perfect. Maria Stark had taught a three year old Darcy the eyeroll and when it was appropriate to use around both Tony and Howard.)

"And why does it have to be you? Why can't it be Bruce or Steve?"

"First of all." She's crossing her arms, Tony thinks, barely suppressing stomping her foot. (A habit that no one could ever really break her of. It was damn hilarious when she would do it as a twenty-two year old explaining her change of major to _Political_ Science. And Tony barely managed to keep himself from gagging.) "Bruce also needs his calm. He's done a lot already. But right now, I don't think what's needed right now. And don't ever suggest Steve to help. He's many things, but he could make the whole situation worse!"

Tony can hear the thoughts running through his head. It's the same thoughts that he had when first meeting the capsicle. _Here's the man that my father had always compared me to. The embodiment of honor and patriotism. How was I ever supposed to measure up to that? Did Howard knowing you set me up for the childhood I had? Did Howard think by drinking so much, he was remembering his old friend - the old friend who couldn't even get drunk now?_

"Still, why does it have to be you?" Barton actually raises his voice. Tony isn't worried per se, he knows that Barton would never actually lay a finger on his daughter if it was unwanted, but Barton is always calm, always has the spy-assassin-ninja facade up, and Tony can totally understand the frustration that is going through the man's head. And just maybe, for once, he can put his own problems aside (and really, that's always a great idea and he does it all the time, it's just he never wanted to do it to help out his daughter and her boyfriend) and give the guy an assist.

"Darcy Elizabeth, go ahead and tell him," he calls out, not turning away from the tv screen. He's fiddling with the remote but his focus isn't on what's in his hands.

"You're middle name is Elizabeth? And how does Stark know that?"

"Umm, well, you see," Darcy stammers. Tony can hear her scuffing her foot against the floor. She probably has her arms wrapped around herself, biting her lip, and staring at the floor. He knows that look. The look that says 'I really don't want to tell you this but I know that it's better that I do because I'll be in less trouble and I hope that you remember that I actually told you instead of letting you find out on your own and I hope that you bear that in mind when you decide to punish me. Okay, thanks.'

"I'm her father," he says with a clear levelled voice. "And right now, I just want my daughter to sit here in my arms and sing along to Disney movies with me, if that's alright with you."

"Yeah, that," Darcy agrees.

"Oh."

Tony tries really hard not to turn around, but he really wants to see the stumped look on Barton's face. He's sure very little could ever trump him, and here he learns something completely unexpected. He won't turn around, give his daughter a few more minutes of privacy. (He'll have JARVIS pull up the feed later. He'll screencap it and send it to Natasha, she'd appreciate it.)

"Yeah," she responds, then starts whispering. Tony can't hear what she's saying, but he can guess. She's probably explaining to him about the nightmares, about how he'll go days without sleeping to avoid that dark abyss, the weightlessness, the fear of leaving everyone you love behind.

A pressure on his shoulder draws him out of the deep thoughts, he turns his head and sees Barton's hand. "I know it's not a musical, but you should watch _Brave_. Really good. Pixar's first 'princess' movie."

"You just like it cause she's an archer," Darcy teases, bouncing from behind the man towards the couch. She sticks her tongue out at him and cuddles into Tony's arms. He hasn't held her in years, and the smell of coconut lime reminds him of times long past. "Hey dad," she says, looking up into his eyes. Tony notices that Clint has left the room. It's just him and his little girl.

"Yes, milkhead?"

"Hey!" Darcy squeals, poking him in the side. "You can't call me that. The contract said no calling me childhood nicknames after I finished college."

He hums in thought, letting her think she's won for a bit. "Well, you're still in Graduate School, and that counts as college doesn't it?"

"Shaddup." She pokes him once more for good measure. "JARVIS can you queue up _Tangled_ for us please. And have _Princess and the Frog_ ready for after. And if by some miracle, we're both still awake, we'll watch _Brave_. So if Clint asks, you can tell him we queued it. He doesn't need to know if we didn't get to watch it or not."

"Sneaky," Tony teases now, pulling her in closer, hugging her tight.

"Of course. I only learn from the best." Her smug grin brings one to his own face.

**4.**

"Is there no place that is sacred?" Tony shouts. He then quietly murmurs and he turns around, "Honestly, a man wants to clean up after lifting some weights and he walks into the locker room to find his daughter with her legs open, and her boyfriend's face between them." He slams a fist against one of the lockers, total coincidence it happens to be Barton's. "Seriously Darce, you're killing me. I swear I'm going to have a heart attack one of these days."

"Can you even get a heart attack?" Barton asks, stopping at the end of the aisle, staring at the small dent Tony managed to put into his locker.

"Can you please clean your face. Come on," Tony huffs, slapping a palm to his forehead, "That's my daughter."

"I did. Sorry, this is from the sink." Barton pulls his shirt up to wipe the excess water from his face. Tony is opting to believe the man, because really, Tony doesn't want to believe he isn't speaking the truth.

"Where's Darcy?"

"Shower," Barton responds, shuffling from foot to foot. Tony doesn't think he's ever seen the man this nervous before. Why would he be nervous? Tony is nowhere near his suit, and yeah, he is a pretty spry guy for his age, and he can box pretty damn well, but he's seen Barton spar. And Tony is no spy-assassin-ninja.

"Okay," Tony draws out the word, hoping that Barton will say whatever he needs to get off his chest.

"Stark. Tony. _Fuck_, what do I even call you?" Barton stutters. This is new. Tony hopes JARVIS is recording this. (Does JARVIS have video/audio capabilities in the locker room? He's pretty sure that on paper it says that he does not, but in actuality... He's not so sure. Tony guesses he has a reason to find out now.)

"Umm, I guess it depends on the sort of conversation we're going to be having?" Tony responds. (And since when did he do awkward? Tony Stark doesn't do awkward. Yet, put him in front of his daughter's boyfriend, who he just caught between his daughter's legs. Not actually fucking though. Thank God/Thor/Whoever the fuck for some miracles. He'll try to remember to light a candle.)

"I'm not really sure. Darcy said we needed to have one though."

Tony smirks. Did his child just set up Hawkeye to get the shovel talk? Such a devious little thing. He's so proud to call her his daughter.

"Ah, then you can call me Mr. Stark, then." Awkward over, time for snark. If Howard wasn't so full of himself, Tony (and Darcy, when she was nine) totally would consider that Snark as their last name.

"Seriously?" Barton gapes at him.

"Yes. I believe you've been set up. Ambushed by accident? Does that happen?" Tony muses.

"I don't really think you could. Like, you can accidentally stumble into enemy territory, maybe. But ambushed by accident doesn't really make sense. Ambush implies they were waiting for you."

"Okay, enough of that. I can see why you and Darcy get along." Tony rolls his eyes while Barton grins. Of course Darcy would be interested in a troll. Figures. "What you've been setup for, is the shovel talk. I know that Jane and Dr. Selvig have already given you one. And I believe they and Darcy have promised that Thor, her lightning-wielding older brother will also give you the talk. But I'm sure you never expected to get one from me." Tony straddles the bench, peering up at him as he crosses his arms across his chest. Even though he's technically at a lower height, he still manages to look down his nose at the man.

Barton gulps. Whether it's for dramatic effect (Darcy could have coached him to play along, it's happened before) or because he's truly scared (which is highly unlikely, but Tony likes to pretend) doesn't really matter.

"Darcy is my world. I have loved that girl from the moment I found out she was coming into this world. I've watched her grow from an embryo the size of a peanut to the beautiful young woman she is now. I've seen her date boys. I've seen her date girls. I've sat back and watched her break their hearts, and I've held her close when they broke hers. But let me tell you. You're the first person who ever gets to actually know me as her dad. And as such, it means you're really important to her. You _know_ her biggest secret. Remember she's not only trusting you with her heart." Tony nods for emphasis because a blind person can tell that the two are in love with each other. (Secretly, deep down (and maybe in a drunken conversation with Pepper) Tony is sort of ecstatic for when Barton decides he wants to marry Darcy because then he will have to ask for Darcy's hand in marriage, and that just sounds so fucking awesome. Hopefully Pepper mentions that to Darcy so when the time comes, it all goes accordingly to plan.)

"I understand that, sir." Barton relaxes a smidge, and straddles the bench. There's a good few feet between them so it's not really that weird. But now Tony doesn't have to look up that much. Considerate of the fellow, but also probably habit as Darcy is just as short (if not a few inches shorter, Tony will always argue) than him.

"Sir. I like that. Let's keep that under consideration for talks like this. Anyway, you hurt her in anyway. Not only will you have the why- is- she- so- scary- for- a- short- woman- astrophysicist figuring out a way to send you to the far reaches of the universe - and know that I'll be helping her in the endeavor. Not only will you have the cranky old man sic his freshman level students to harass you for extra credit - it's not fun, let me tell you, but that won't stop me from giving them access to the tower or any other facilities, should I need to. Not only will you have the God of fucking thunder hounding your ass - I'm not really sure how I'm supposed to help him, but when I figure it out, know that I'll be doing it. But you'll have me all on my own. Yes, the genius, billionaire, playboy, and philanthropist. I will rig all your arrows to do some very unpleasant things to you. I will freeze all your accounts and ruin your credit so that you _have_ to use cash. I will ensure that no woman will ever come near you again. I'll make sure that every person on this planet believes you are the scum of the earth that they won't accept you in society so that cash you're forced to use is worthless. You'll wish you only had to deal with Jane, Erik, and Thor-"

"Okay, dad," Darcy rolls her eyes, walking from the shower area into their aisle, wrapping her arms around Barton's shoulders. "That's enough."

"I was just getting started though," Tony pouts. (He doesn't really know what else he was going to say though. Sure, he's been planning this talk since he found out he was having a daughter. Refined in when she first asked to sleep over at a boy's house. Practiced in front of the mirror pretending JARVIS was the boyfriend when she went on her first date. So he's said everything he's meant to (and he can back it all up, which makes the whole speech pretty epic in both his and Rhodey's opinion.) Oh!) "Wait, I forgot to include Pepper and Rhodey. And then JARVIS. You know JARVIS will be very upset if I don't include him in this."

"Yeah, yeah, go ahead." She rolls her hand signalling him to continue, then seats herself behind Barton and kisses him on the shoulder.

Tony glowers on principle. "Okay, you think Darcy is a scary woman. And if you don't, there's something wrong with you. Did you know she tazed Thor? She doesn't shut up about it. Anyway. Well, where do you think she learned all that. Pepper will shred you and stab you with her heels, and she won't even deign you worthy enough to ruin a pair of last season's Louboutin's. And Rhodey has the power of the United States Air Force behind him - not to mention he's War Machine - and has some serious connections with the rest of the military. So there's that to consider should you decide to break my daughter's heart. And finally, lastly, but definitely not the least, there's JARVIS," he cackles, steepling his fingers in his best Monty Burns expression. (He's happy to see Darcy suppress a giggle while Barton's knee twitches.) "JARVIS, JARVIS, JARVIS. Where to start."

"Oh, I know!" Darcy claps excitedly. Tony arches a brow, mentally chuckling at the fact that she's participating in her own boyfriend's shovel talk. "1992."

"Oh, yes, good choice." Tony sends her a thumbs up, happy for the reminder. "When Darcy was five, I - stupidly if you ever managed a seance and asked my parents - showed her Judgement Day. And because she's my daughter (or so Rhodey claims), instead of fearing the end of the world by robots overthrowing humanity, she saw it as a learning opportunity. I know, how does that happen, right? I guess she loves all robots. Don't know how that happened." He paused the tirade when Darcy clears her throat. "Oh, right. Yeah. She instead had JARVIS learn everything necessary to overtake the world, and every year since, she runs an update on the Skynet program she programmed (at the age of five, my genius daughter, she is) and I helped debug. It's pretty epic now that she really knows what she's doing and JARVIS is pretty self-sufficient. She's the only thing standing in the way from total annihilation." He takes a deep breath, and then in his most ominous voice, says "_You break her heart, you unleash that on the world._"

"He's not kidding," Darcy says in the same ominous tone, patting his shoulder. Tony grins in glee. This is the most fun he's had in ages.

"Yeah, okay. I don't have any intention of hurting Darcy, sir."

"You see to that, soldier," Tony salutes before standing. "Darcy, please keep your shenanigans away from public eyes. I'm not kidding about killing me by heart attack." He pats her on the shoulder before walking out of the locker room. (Why did he go in there again?)

"You have an arc reactor powering your heart. You can't have a heart attack!"

**5.**

This time, he knows he's at fault. Yeah, it's her apartment, it's her bedroom. But he seriously didn't think they'd be doing _that_ at three in the fucking morning. (And since when could he not say _sex_ in conjunction to his daughter? They use to talk about it all the time. Tony guesses that it changes when you've walked into it. Right into the middle of it. And you're watching her buck-ass naked boyfriend thrust into her.)

"JARVIS, remind me to talk to Bruce about making something to remove memories."

"Yes, sir. I would also like to note that, I did tell you this was a bad time to intrude on Miss Darcy."

"First of all," Darcy shrieks, cheeks blooming. "Please leave this room. Close the door. We're amending the contract to add restriction to my bedroom. Any bedroom that I claim, not just this one."

"Okay, yeah, sounds good," Tony stammers, keeping his eyes closed. The image is still in his mind and he really wants to throw up in his mouth. He slowly turns away to seat himself in the living room, forgetting to shut the door. He hopes that wasn't a bad idea. (They wouldn't continue with him in the other room, would they?")

"Secondly, JARVIS, you know you're not supposed to call me 'Miss Darcy' anymore. We've talked about this and I convinced you that as family, it's considered rude. I am Darcy, just Darcy. That's it."

"Is that seriously what you're focusing on right now?" Barton croaks. Tony wonders at what point he interrupted them. And then he gags because he really shouldn't be thinking about that. Not at all. He's repressing the memory. It is hidden way in the back of his mind. Yeah, if he keeps pushing it'll go away. It can be his own personal Hulk. Bruce will have ways to make him forget.

"Okay, really, why are you barging into my room at it's still dark o'clock?" Darcy asks, wrapping her robe tight around her, and sitting on the arm of the couch.

"Please tell me you're not naked under there," he croaks.

"Yeah, sure, I'm not naked under here," she nods, Disney eyes in motion.

"No, Darcy. No. Do not give me those eyes when you're naked. Seriously, you're going to kill a lot of happy memories of my little girl. I can't do that. I've already been scarred from life here, kid, don't make it worse, please, I'm begging you," Tony pleas.

"Is the infamous Tony Stark begging? Please tell me he's on his knees." Barton shouts from the room.

Tony hopes that he stays there, or at least wearing more clothes.

Instead, Barton walks up behind Darcy wearing a robe as well (woman's, short, barely reaching halfway down his thighs) and it's purple. (Karma is a mother fucking bitch and he's going to figure out a way to sic it on Rhodey because there's no way that the universe thinks Tony deserves this much. Just can't, really. Seriously.)

"I'm never going to be able to look at you the same again, Barton. This is going to make missions really awkward. And if anything happens because of the awkward, I'm totally blaming you."

"Sure, thing, Stark. What was so important you had to stop us?"

"Seriously, at this rate, it's just never going to happen," Darcy murmurs, so quiet, Tony barely hears.

"What's never going to happen?" (He's going to regret asking this, but brain to mouth filter, he has none. It's where Darcy gets it from. Her mother would _never_ speak before thinking.)

"Sex. Fucking. Penetration." Darcy lists out, pouting all the while.

"Wait, you're saying you two haven't... haven't... haven't _done it_ yet?"

"Did Tony Stark just allude to sex as if he was a child?" Barton kids.

"Wasn't I 'sir' to you just last week? What happened to that? I liked that, let's go back to that time, please. It was good, I didn't know what your ass looked like, or how muscular your legs are. How do you get them like that, by the way?"

"Seriously, dad? That's what you're going with right now? I know awkward is awkward with us Starks, but talking to my boyfriend about his thighs? What. In. The. Actual. Fuck?"

"Oh, yeah. Sorry, milkhead. It happens. It's our genes, you know how it is."

"Don't I know it." She rolls her eyes.

"Oh? Any good stories? This sounds fun." Barton continues in his pleasant mood (as if he wasn't trying to sleep with Tony Stark's daughter) and Tony isn't sure how he should feel about that. (It's a repeat of that first time, almost. Should he be happy that Barton has forgotten about fuck Darcy into the mattress? Or upset that he's prolonging Tony's stay and currently walking around the couch in the ridiculously short robe as to sit next to him on the couch.)

"Seriously? You're doing this? Fuck, I have to keep my eyes closed. Ugh. This is a nightmare. Karma is a bitch, Barton. I hope you know this." He turns his head towards him, scowling (hard to really tell since his eyes are closed, but his lips are definitely scowling). "When you have a kid, you're going to regret this."

"Ah!" Darcy creams, slapping Tony's shoulder. "Please don't talk about kids right now. We haven't even had sex yet. It's a rule somewhere. Like in the Relationship Codex, I'm sure. You are not supposed to speak about future children if the act of making children hasn't even happened yet."

"Point," Tony nods, cause yeah, she does have one.

"And, this is karmic revenge for all the times I've walked in on you. And yeah, I told Rhodey all about it, and I think my godfather has an in with the Cosmos or something, cause seriously, all the complaints I've ever made against you growing up. Karma has always gotten you back."

Tony doesn't need to have his eyes open to see the smug smile his daughter is giving him. It's radiating off her skin. "Do we really need to talk about that right now?"

"Well, you're the one who barged in here. Why not? I'm sure Clint would love to hear about some of them."

"Oh, yes. Very much, indeed."

Tony would punch the bastard if he didn't need to open his eyes to make the hit count. (How did this become his life, again?)

"Well, the first time, I was seven. Luckily, it was dark, and they were already finished. But it was the first time I had rushed into my dad's room and there was a woman there. It sucked. I was having a nightmare about my grandparents' car crash and I wanted my daddy to make it all better. Instead, I got a harpy of a woman screaming about some little girl trying to join in and her not being into that."

"Wow," Clint breathes out.

"Yeah, I was a little fucked up at the time too. Definitely made a lot of bad decisions around when they died."

"Yeah, that's why I don't usually bring it up. But I had refused to stay at the house for a week. Made Rhodey take me with him to the barracks he was living at so he could keep the nightmares at bay. And also because after calling him immediately after - or maybe it was during, I don't remember exactly - to complain about the strange woman, dad here went off about how Rhodey doesn't understand because he _never_ brings a woman home. That statement stuck with me, and I figured Rhodey's was the best place for me."

"That was such a horrible week," Tony drops his head into his hands. This wasn't why he came here. Definitely not.

"Or when I was eleven and three quarters-"

"Three quarters?" Barton asks, sounding incredulous.

"It was important to me. My breasts were coming in, and fast. No other girl at school had them. And I found out only women had them, especially _loose_ women."

"Uh, do I want to ask?"

"No," Tony shakes his head, "no, you don't."

"I got to see a loose woman and put two and two together, so to speak."

"Oh."

"Verily."

"You're hanging out with Thor too much."

"Okay, children," Tony finally stands up, keeping his eyes shut. Enough story time. I came here for a reason. I wanted to give you something. Tell me when to stop." Tony pulls something out of his pocket and begins turning in the direction Darcy's voice was. When she grabbed his forearm to stop him from still turning, he handed her the small device.

"What's this?" Darcy asks, confused.

"Lipstick lightning is the name on the paperwork. But it's a discreet taser that shouldn't set off any alarms anywhere. Just something I've been fiddling with, figured you'd make for a good beta test. Feel free to test it on Tweety over here."

"Hey! What happened to Legolas?"

"Are we in the middle of an alien invasion?"

"No."

"Are we currently in battle?"

"No."

"Do you currently have your bow equipped?"

"Well, yeah, it's in the hollow part of the headboard."

"Seriously?"

"Of course."

Before Tony can respond, the air is knocked out of his lungs. (Keeping your eyes closed sucks!) "Thanks dad!" She gave him a wet kiss on the cheek.

"I'm not sure how I feel about you letting those lips touch my skin after what I walked in earlier. Fuck! I was supposed to forget that happened. It didn't happen, right Darcy? You two were just having a tickle war. Yeah?"

"Sure, dad," she chuckled, leading him out of the room, helping him avoid obstacles as he still kept his eyes closed.

"Okay, well, yeah. Should a tickle war happen again, please give JARVIS the override code delta- island- hotel- sierra. JARVIS, if she says that, you are _not_ to let me in there. No matter what I say. Unless it's a true life or death situation. But otherwise, override code delta- island- hotel- sierra locks me completely out."

"Yes, sir."

"What does DIHS stand for?" Barton asks from the entry hall. (So close! Escape was so close. He was going to have to think of something to give Barton a hard time and not piss off Darcy.)

"Darcy. Is. Having. Sex." He croaks out, running towards the elevator.

**+1**

Okay, this time, he really hadn't meant it. Like really. Especially with Pepper in the other room. (Fuck. He was screwed.) Maybe if he is quiet enough he can sneak out of the communal kitchen unnoticed.

"No, stop right there," Darcy shouted, pointing directly at him from behind Barton's chest. He was tall enough (or she was short enough, but Tony would never say that out loud) as to be well hidden up against the counter as she was.

"I really didn't mean to this time, scout's honor."

"Were you even a scout, Stark?" Barton asks through gritted teeth.

"No. I was building awesome things when most kids were camping. Fuck that. It's not like Darcy was a girl scout. We did work backwards to make Samoa's once though."

"Yeah, that was fun. But I'm still mad at you."

"I take full responsibility, but I have to ask that you refrain from doing _that_ where the override codes won't work. Wait. JARVIS, would they work here?"

"They now do, sir."

"Okay, I guess, carry on?"

"What's going on?" Jane asks, walking into the kitchen, glancing from Tony towards the couple still pressed against each other. Behind her is a smirking Natasha, Steve, and Bruce. (No Pepper. There is hope for me yet.)

"I've already told Pepper." Darcy just has to rain on his parade. The not-real mental connection between them was seeming more and more real.

"Why would you do that?" Tony whines, glaring at his daughter.

"Because this is the sixth time you've done this," Barton responds. "And this time you've brought an audience."

"I didn't force them to follow me!" He points at the crowd at the entrance.

"Okay, Tony, are you okay?" Bruce asks, trying to placate him with hand gestures. (Does that ever work? He had tried that a couple times, to a success rate of zero percent.)

"He has a tendency to walk in on us." Barton pulls Darcy in closer and turns around so that his back is against the counter. He spins her so she's now facing the room, her cheeks red in mortification.

Natasha chuckling isn't helping matters.

"Tony, don't you think that's rude of you?" Steve chides.

"Okay, first of all, I never do it on purpose. Okay, the first time was on purpose."

"First time?" Jane asks.

"Right after Thor and Loki left and we came back to the tower."

"Why did you stop them?" Bruce questions now. He has his Science! face on, and in any other situation Tony would preen. Science bros for life and all that. Too bad Tony already knew the correct answer to the working theory Bruce was formulating.

"Because I was surprised is all."

"Was it because Barton had a dame? You don't have to always know everything." Tony hated Steve right then. Very much so. He didn't need to be talked down to like a child. Yeah, he didn't like it when he wasn't in the know. (Hello, Scientist here. He was pretty sure Bruce and Jane were in the same boat.)

"Now see here, Steve. Stop talking to my dad like that. He was just surprised to find me with Clint. Let alone a serious relationship."

"Dad?" The whole crowd (except Natasha because she was a spy-assassin ninja) queries, each in different levels of shock.

"Uh, Darcy Elizabeth Lewis Stark meet the Avengers." He gestures at the team. "Fellow Avengers, meet my daughter Darcy Elizabeth." He pats her on her shoulder, ignoring the close proximity to Barton. (Should he start calling him Clint? When is a good time to change that?"

"Hey question, when am I supposed to stop calling you Barton and call you Clint? Like what level of relationship do you need to be in with my daughter for the level of familiarity?"

Darcy facepalms, while Bruce chortles.

"Maybe when we have those conversations where I call you sir?" Barton muses, a tilt to his lip.

"I can work with that."

"Wait, your name is Darcy Elizabeth?" Jane grills them.

"That's what you get from that? Really?" Darcy asks, incredulously.

"Dude, Tony Stark has a daughter and he named her after two characters from an Austen novel. I don't know how I'm suppose to get that?"

"Point," Darcy nods.

"I didn't name her!" Tony shouts, trying to leave the room.

"By the way, dad, we're adding another addendum to include the override code and communal areas."

"Fine. Whatever, just get me out of trouble with Pepper."

"What trouble?" Speak her name and she will appear. Damn. Tony tried very hard to act like hadn't said anything. Looking carefully at Barton.

"Just so you know, Hawkeye. There will come a time where the two of them will team up against us. Or just her against you, really. You may want to show some solidarity to a fellow teammate here."

"Not to mention the father of your girlfriend," Natasha finallly chimed in. (And huh, Tony never expected assistance from the woman when she wasn't ordered to by good ol' Nick or something.)

"He was just being a typical Stark. You know. Loud. Crazy. Attention Getting."

"You can stop now," both Starks say at the same time.

Pepper nods, then retreats back to the Media Room down the hall.

"Hey, it got rid of her."

"But you called me loud. And crazy. And attention getting."

"Ooooh," Tony taunted.

"Hey, what happened to solidarity?" Barton yelped when Darcy punched him in the shoulder.

"Your fault for believing what I said. I figured you spent enough time with Darce to know when a Stark was talking out their ass."


End file.
